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Lost Identity: The Search For Well-being

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On June 18, I published the book Lost Identity: The Search for Well-Being. Since doing so, everyone and their grandmother has been lining up to tell me how to promote the book. Apparently, I require a cinematic trailer. Apparently, I need a social media manager. Apparently, I need to be more ruthless- put profiteering first. They say.

I fundamentally disagree. I wrote the book in the hope that it will empower others. I wrote it because I wanted to empower communities. I believe it is having that impact. People whom I have known for years are saying to me:

I did not know that was how your brain worked. That link with ADHD is so interesting

My book. On my desk at home

I have been living with the side effects of a childhood Medulloblastoma for thirthy-seven year, I have a unique view. However, I have to ask how did you think the brain was going to develop? Apart of it was cut out. Radiation was fired at at it. Chemotheropy resulted in Chemo-brain.

There is no objective evidence to say I have ADHD or ADHD like symptoms. However, a little common sense suggests my brain is not neurotypical. Perhaps that is why I put people and the planet before profit. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to make a living from writing books, telling my story, doing podcasts, radio, and TV interviews. Not though to make a profit. Just to live, just to enjoy what I do.

I hear you. Why should I get to enjoy what I do to generate an income? Not many people are happy in their jobs. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I am thinking of myself. I was dealt a S### hand. I turned it around. Why shouldn’t I make a little money from it?

Lost Identity
M.Howie, David

Yes. It is okay if I profit a little from the book. It is okay if I enjoy making social media content to support the book. I am allowed to write blogs to promote the book. I worked hard to get my MSc. I should use it to financially support myself. Shouldn’t I? At least if I make a small profit, I am doing so by empowering others.

Empowerment via storytelling

That is what I want to do. I wish to tell you my story. If you don’t like my story, fine. If you think I am ungrateful, I don’t really care. If you think I should get on with my life. IT has been over thirty-seven years. I can tell you that is precisely what I am doing. Every post, every TikTok, every blog. I am moving forward. I am getting up and I am showing up.

Do I use social marketing? Do I write and talk like I have a chip on my shoulder? Of course I do. The NHS didn’t rehabilitate me back in 1987. Why should they? They almost let me die. Then they gave me five years to live. After twenty years, they showed me the door. They gave me a phone number and told me to call if I ever need anything.

I need to know why they did not tell me about the long-term side effects. I need to understand why they did not tell me that I would be required to pay a personal trainer for rehabilitation, because the NHS doesn’t have the resources or the capacity.

I need to know why the NHS didn’t tell me that I would never belong. That my life would become a constant search to find myself. They did not KNOW! That is no excuse. Society talks about a cancer journey. When does that journey end? At the end of formal education? When I buy a house? When I say I do? I know it’s not when I buy a car, have children, or walk in a straight line. So when is it?

The truth is the journey never ends. “We exist here”, is a line from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Medulloblastoma don’t “exist here”. We exist wherever in time, the brain tumour and cancer injured the mind. The mind of a Medulloblastoma is not neurotypical. That is why, when organisations tell me that I should be profiting from a book written to empower others (and myself), I am hesitant to comply.

Lost Identity: The Search for Well-Being is my story. It’s raw, it is emotional, it is empowering, it’s me. I am so glad I got to write it. I am so happy that I get to tell my story to the world. My number one hope is that when you read it, you are empowered.

Life is not easy. Anything worthwhile having in life is worth working hard for.

What is next

I wish I knew. What I do know is I need a holiday. Has anyone got any suggestions?

August updates

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August updates: Link to pursue the book.
Lost Identity
M.Howie, David

August 4. Which means it has been nearly two months since I published the book. A fantastic seven weeks it has been. I have sold 71 copies of the book across all platforms, with an additional ten copies having been given to people to read and promote. About eighty-one people so far have had the opportunity to read my book.

I want more people to have the opportunity to read the book. NOT because I want more sales, but because I believe what I have to say is essential. We live in a society which is fascinated with the flow of capital.

Ask a banker which they would rather have: flowing capital or water. Capital, I would put money on, being the response.

It’s not only bankers. Ever since I published the book, I have had a queue of beggars wanting to promote my book. Do you want to understand the term street furniture? Publish a book, and you’ll quickly understand the terminology. Have you ever walked around Glasgow and asked yourself why there are random plants everywhere? That is what I have been doing with my emails and socials for the last seven weeks.

Yes, the last seven weeks have been insane with businesses and so-called businesses trying to sell me fame. The other side of the coin is that I have had so many lovely people across my socials providing so many heart-warming messages. That’s why I wrote the book. To empower myself to empower others, not to make money. Not to see a flow of capital on a spreadsheet.

Why do I tell you this? For several reasons. Firstly, the personal brand I aim to build must be grounded in my values, vision, and principles. Secondly, it is a jungle out there. Your principles must be your map. When you lose your map, you can lose yourself. Finally, I share this with you about the vultures that will want a piece of you when you publish a book, because I want to be as authentic as possible. The authenticity I applied when writing the book was to establish legitimacy. There is nothing legitimate about chasing large book sales. That is not me. I almost forgot that.

Now I know who I am again, and readers have a better understanding of who I am. What is next? First of all, I have agreed with two local Glasgow bookstores to stock my books. More details to follow. Secondly, I will be cycling from Glasgow to Loch Lomond to raise funds for Men Matter Scotland, a mental health charity, in Drumchapel. For every copy of my book that I sell in August, I shall donate £1 to the charity Men Matter Scotland.

If you want to purchase the book from Amazon, click the link > Lost Identity.

legitimacy: do I have it?

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First things first I would like to thank Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha for liking the introduction. You can find Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha here.

This is not my first post about legitimacy. You can read my first post on legitimacy here. Will legitimacy blog one was about me trying to convince the reader that I have legitimacy, to talk about the self. Due to studying the self as part of my A222 Exploring philosophy and reading synaptic self by Joseph LeDoux.

Blog post two on legitimacy is me asking the reader for the go-ahead to try and write my book. I do not have a clue what I would write about. As I said in the first blog regarding legitimacy. When I try talking about the self and identity. All I receive from people is a look of total confusion. Which is normally followed by “don’t talk nonsense”. For that reason The self: a journey to find me. Shall not be the title of the book.

Perhaps my book could focus on the meaning of life. I have the Philosophy of Religion as a starting point. Or I could write a book on Making Sustainability Work in Scotland: How I run a Social Enterprise. I like that. At this point, A-LEAF is still a work of fiction. So for now the book will remain on the shelf.

To the readers will you give me the legitimacy to write the book, when the time comes. At the end of the day, if you don’t buy it. there is no legitimacy in what I say. People are given power because people follow.

Will you follow a 39-year-old white male, who was diagnosed with a medulloblastoma aged four? Who today has too much knowledge, with no one to listen.

Introduction

Introduction

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Providing you have viewed other areas of this website, you should already know numerous things about me. For example, you should know I had a brain tumour at the age of four. You should also know that I had a stroke around that age. What you may not know, unless you have had the opportunity to read my older blogs on blogger, is I was almost denied entry into mainstream education because I could not walk a plank. Yes, You did read that correctly. Today I have two undergraduate degrees. One is Multimedia technology. Comes in useful when designing WordPress websites. And a second in Politics, philosophy, and economics (PPE). My PPE undergraduate degree, well that comes in useful for navigating society. I also have a master of science in social innovation. And, if it was not for my MSc I would not have considered setting up A-LEAF, this website would not exist. More importantly, however, I would not be considering writing a book and would not seek your feedback on the concept.               

Prudently I inform the readers that this is not my first rodeo with the concept of writing a book. This, however, is no book. It is more of a plan, do, study, act project to see if anyone reads what I write.

Given that September (when writing) is, Self-Management month, how do you self-manage the stress of contemporary living?

I wrote the paragraph above last month. As you may have guessed it is October. October 18th. Today I can inform my readers, that with a little luck and a lot of hard work my social enterprise will be launching very soon.

Should the book, if I write one focus on why I chose to start a social enterprise? Or perhaps the inequality story by David M Howie. Yes, that was a lord of The Rings nod.

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